This year I started something I’ve never done before. I have a gratitude box. The idea is that everyday I write down one thing I am grateful for. It could be something that happened, it could be something I did, something I said. It could be the weather. Anything really. So the reality of it is that I don’t do it everyday. What happens is that once in a while I get on a roll and write several things, so in fact it works out to once a day but I’m a bit of a perfectionist so this isn’t ok with me. I’d like it to be my everyday practise. This is another thing that I can let go of. There seems to be endless opportunities to let go.
So my struggle today is that while I have something to write, I’m hesitating because part of this experiment is to, at the end of the year, read through all the things I found to be grateful for and as I think about this now I think about what it will be like to read it in December because whatever the outcome is, it will affect how I feel about what I did, which was to ask for what I wanted. And so this gets me thinking how the outcome can influence my feeling of gratitude for asking. For me this is progress, growing up asking anything even a question was not met with praise. It was seen as an attack on the authority and this was not permitted. So my willingness to challenge my childhood teaching about asking, is what I am grateful for and to let go of my attachment to the outcome. It is in the asking that I grow. The next time that I need to ask it will not be such a foreign concept. Each time I ask it will get easier. For now, it is a conscious choice and in writing this I can see more clearly how it really is important to write down these moments of progress and to celebrate them and let the outcome be what it is. So thank you blog. I need to go and write that down…..