Letting go sounds easy

geese.jpgI tell myself, “just let it go”.  And I do know it would be a useful thing to do and I really try to do it, I want to do it but it isn’t easy. I don’t even know how to do it. How do you just let go? When I try its sticky, like gum on the bottom of my shoe, it’s hard to get off. It takes work. It seems like people think it’s something tangible like a knapsack that you can literally take off your back and put down. But it’s not like that. So, I breath, I meditate, I visualize a shower of golden liquid light that will wash it all away. But then the next thing I notice I still have a hold of it, or it of me.  And it occurs then to me that’d perhaps there is some wisdom in this thing that I am holding on to and that perhaps I need to investigate, do some emotional work around whatever this is. My go to is art. I use my non-dominant hand, in my case that’s my left hand because it helps access the younger parts of me. I often use oil pastels because they are more fluid and this helps the emotions flow. Sometimes I use crayons because I sometimes like to really work hard at getting the color down. Often while I am doing art, I will start to cry as I get in touch with the blocked emotions.  Sometimes, I begin to cry before I’ve even started and other times it may happen a couple of days later when I come back to revisit it. And the crying is the good news, it is a sure sign of releasing that emotion, so go with it for as long as you can. This is success. If I feel I need to I will ask questions of myself, like why did you use that color there, or what does that shape mean? I do this is the softest most gentlest way I can, with curiosity and it’s often very interesting.

I find all this helps in letting go, but I won’t kid you it’s not easy. It’s hard work but it’s very worthwhile even necessary work, painful but freeing. I find it helps me become a more peaceful version of myself.

P.S. I wonder what would change if I said “let it go”? It seems to soften, like there isn’t anything I need to do about it, except accept it. I think the work around it is still important, however, it seems kinder.

 

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